The Beauty Writer

Emily in Paris / Jen in Purgatory

I’ve been seduced by it all, and while I know it is a calorie-free confection, I still feel bloated and unsatisfied. It has grown-up Disney princess vibes: Multiple Prince Charmings, an impossibly drawn protagonist, fairy godmother wardrobe, and Lily Collins’ eyebrows.

I Guess That’s Why They Call it “The Blues.”

The thing is, I forgot to put on my pants. This oversight, in context, may be understandable. Or, I may be experiencing early onset of a degenerative condition, so I’d better make haste and get this story told. While I remember it. First, a question: Have you considered the one skill you wish you couldContinue reading “I Guess That’s Why They Call it “The Blues.””

Top Ten Pandemic Feelings

10. Excitement. Be suspicious of anyone who denies that the onset of Covid-19 triggered a primal thrill. This does not mean it was welcomed, nor that it didn’t give way to horror, despair, loneliness, among other feelings that will be covered. When I first learned Covid reached America, it was personal. I knew Patient Zero.Continue reading “Top Ten Pandemic Feelings”

Their Rooms Are So Small

I never saw it until this afternoon. The three of the four are grown and gone. But they were home last week, albeit for 24 hours, so I braved their rooms for a mom-clean. You want to hear something awful? A part of me is relieved that I don’t have to clean everyday. That myContinue reading “Their Rooms Are So Small”

The Persistence of Memory

The stasis is soooo boring.

Open Summer Camp – For MOMS!

We know how to socially distance. We will happily share cooking, cleaning, and shopping responsibilities. We will kayak 10 feet apart, crochet masks, and carve beautiful woodshed signs with inspirational message like “Stay the *F* Away” and “Mom’s Busy,” and “No.”

Pox Party!

Once upon a better time, the 1970s, there was a terrifying plague threatening all the land. Staten Island. Also Brooklyn. Maybe other places but the extent of this fairy tale is limited to the scope of a very limited narrator. The narrator was a third grade student, whose flat world was limited to the farContinue reading “Pox Party!”

STUPEFACTION!!!!

Stupefaction is my new favorite word. It vacuums up all the feels and huffs them out in a paralyzing aerosol. Stupefaction is the primary pandemic. Coronavirus is the secondary, the deadlier of the

It’s a Girl! Oops. Nope. It’s a Boy!

If you are a mother of only boys, this is not something you ever want to hear from your OB/GYN after delivering your baby. Did he say “It’s a girl?” – This was what I asked my husband in the recovery room. I must have had temporary amnesia after the delivery, probably brought on byContinue reading “It’s a Girl! Oops. Nope. It’s a Boy!”

What Am I Looking At?

We worked in advertising and this was before #MeToo and Tom never did or said anything inappropriate, even by today’s standards. There was an instance, though, that might have appeared to tell another story.