The Beauty Writer

Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain

America is 245 years old. That’s under 2.5x older than Betty White. Was. RIP Danish scientists believe there is a shark in the Greenland vicinity c̶a̶l̶l̶e̶d̶ ̶T̶r̶u̶m̶p̶ who is older than that. So is Twinings Tea. And despite one being a fish and the other inanimate objects, both are more civilized than the US, asContinue reading “Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain”

Euphoria’s Secret

Amazing things started happening when I stopped wearing a bra in thehouse. There is little I can control at this point of my life. My internal weather man isbananas. The gray hairs, the sag, andwhat the actual f* is happening to the skin under my arms? For most of my life, l’ve beenstrapping these weightsContinue reading “Euphoria’s Secret”

Death. Be Not Proud.

Trigger warning: I’m pro-choice. …to a point. Is that also a trigger warning? The Wall Street Journal just published an op-ed reflecting on the 15 week fetal development mark, as observed by ultrasound technicians. It applies these observations to Rowe v Wade through the premise of what was known about development Then v Now andContinue reading “Death. Be Not Proud.”

An SOS to the World

I am sitting on a beach feeling grit between my toes, sun on my shoulders, as I scribble words onto a precious piece of unlined paper. I will roll it up, place it into an empty white wine bottle, replace the cork, and heave it into the sea. Except I am in my bedroom, recliningContinue reading “An SOS to the World”

Bad Messenger

things can be true at once” and in this case, that is certainly true all by itself.

On the Bra Straps of Giants

I should be sleeping. For over 2.5 decades I’ve been praying on this. Whether it be because of work, or child rearing, or anxiety consequent to either or both, my mind doesn’t follow the rules as well as the rest of me has. But I played by the rules even as they were changing. IContinue reading “On the Bra Straps of Giants”

The Hummus has Expired

“The truth is,” he said, “historically, women weren’t supposed to live past a certain age.” He meant it as a joke, unless, of course, you agreed with this hot anthropological/ misogynistic take, which some of the men in our lawn circle concurred to varying degrees. You could see by the way their mouth corners smirkedContinue reading “The Hummus has Expired”

A Tale of Two Kitties

May 2020 It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of (dis)belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light (Animal Crossing), it was the season of Darkness (Tiger King), itContinue reading “A Tale of Two Kitties”

The G Spot

There is a great myth perpetuated out there that is generously shared by women of a certain age. This aspirational, literal old wives tale, purports that there is a source of sublime pleasure waiting to be tapped. I’m sure you’ve heard it, too. Perhaps you’ve even spoken these words, too. “Grandchildren are better than children.”Continue reading “The G Spot”

You Have Reached Your Destination

Not my words. My GPS announced this when we arrived at the cemetery. I wondered if the mourners in the hearse just ahead of us heard the same announcement. The funerals I’ve attended tend to be set on unseasonably warm, confection clouded days, and this was no exception. The February chill crept into our lightContinue reading “You Have Reached Your Destination”