Stupid Sh*t I Was Told

I was told to be good.

I was told to be pretty.

I was told looks don’t count.

I was told to have long hair.

I was told to have straight hair.

I was told to have curls.

I was told to have bangs.

I was told bobby pins would hold back the bangs while I grew them out.

I was told to get a bob.

I was told hair grows quickly.

I was told to grow up.

I was told to stay young.

I was told to brush my teeth.

I was told to keep my mouth shut.

I was told to be skinny.

I was told that I should eat three square meals a day.

I was told to be skinnier.

I was told that if I lost any more weight I would die.

I was told that I could sing.

I was told that I could dance.

I was told that I sing and dance but not well enough.

I was told to stop singing.

I was told to get married.

I was told to have kids.

I was told I should breastfeed.

I was told I should stop breastfeeding.

I was told I should breastfeed on a schedule.

I was told I should breastfeed on demand.

I was told not to breastfeed in public.

I was told every woman should have a daughter.

I was told it’s a boy.

I was told it’s a boy.

I was told it’s a boy.

I was told it’s a boy.

I was told to try again.

I was told that boys are easier than girls.

I was told, last night, by my 21 year old son, that he loves me.

I was told to get a job.

I was told that what I do isn’t really work.

I was told to get more jobs.

I was told I need 8 hours of sleep.

I was told four hours of sleep is fine.

I was told that it is ok if I don’t sleep.

I was told Ambien would work.

I was told Ambien would stop working if I took it for 15 years.

I was told to not stress about sleep.

I was told to just go to sleep.

I was told to get out of bed and push through.

I was told that my father was close to death while I was at a Depeche Mode concert on my birthday.

I was told I’d been reported by a neighbor for making a “She Shed.”

I was told I’m an amazing director.

I was told that my casting choices were terrible because “their kids” didn’t get parts they wanted.

I was told to make my English class challenging.

I was told to make my English class less challenging.

I was told to cover up.

I was told to show more skin.

I was told to wax any skin that showed.

I was told it wouldn’t hurt.

I waz toled I can’t spelllll.

I was told to take bigger steps.

I was told to slow down.

I was told to close my feet.

I was told to dance faster.

I was told to stop dancing in the kitchen; it’s embarrassing.

I was told to speak up.

I was told to shut up.

I was told to hold it in.

I was told to let it go.

I was told to not use the bathroom in first class if I’m sitting in coach.

I was told to look my best.

I was told it doesn’t matter; no one is looking anymore.

I was told to clean the house.

I was told to do the laundry.

I was told to do the shopping, load up the car, unload the car, put everything away, make dinner, serve dinner, clean up.

I was told to relax.

I was told not to worry.

I was told that everything would be ok.

I was told to pick up toilet paper on the way home from work.